I love my Crit'ers

Sometimes it takes a lot of eyeballs to see the obvious.
I'm working on my final revisions on my novel, MIND THIEF. I had a slight problem, I didn't know what genre it fell into.
Last week two people pointed out the genres to me.
Commenting on my query Shakespeare said:

I haven't read the book, but is the tone of the book similar to the tone of the query? It should read like it, so that the agent/publisher can get a sense of the tone, too. The query spends a lot of time setting up these two characters... but then it says "The only way he can survive..." and I don't understand what he is surviving. Is it just these latent memories? Or are they a sign of something bigger and more dangerous going on? I'm not sure what the main conflict is, the main arc of what the book is dealing with. I get the characters pretty strongly, though.

Also I have people critiquing it at Scribophile and a critiquer pointed out:

The plot therefore has two paths. One is a romance and the other may be suspense or a thriller. The conflict seemed reserved for the latter. There is a different style in each which seems appropriate.

So now it's obvious, my book has two genres. I just have to make sure it fits the genres, so I just need to look at the tone of the two.
With romance the main focus is on the characters, about 80% with the remaining 20% focusing on the action that takes place around them.
With a thriller the main focus is on the action, about 80% with the remaining 20% focusing on the characters.
All I need to do is combine these two tones and have it be 100% about the characters, and 100% be about the action. Simple.
Or I could look outside of writing at another artform: dance.
Two legends of dancing were Fred Astaire and Ginger Rodgers.
Ginger Rodgers had it easy, all she had to do was everything Fred Astaire did, only backwards and in high heels.
So all I have to do is look at my book backwards and in high heels. Unfortunately I can't find any high heels that fit me and none of my wife's evening gowns fit. So I'll have to try it in a tight pink mini skirt, fishnet stockings, a see through blouse, and peek-a-boo bra.
Here is my new query backwards:

Howie has a problem: Someone is stealing his mind, and the only one who can help him is a girl who has already lost hers.
You're not paranoid if everyone is out to get you. A hundred years of memories flood Howie's mind. Evil memories of starting five major wars and killing everyone who has ever wanted humanity to progress. At the same time his friends and his professor are telling him, and sometimes threatening him, to stay away from Vivian, the girl he met at his psychologist office.
Either Howie is going crazy, or there is a single man that has caused the most horrific events over the last century, and all his friends and professors work for him. In order to survive, Howie must do what Archduke Ferdinand, FDR, Stalin, JFK, and Saddam Hussein all failed to do. He must stop the man who has caused the deaths of hundred of millions, and do it armed only with his love of Vivian.
MIND THIEF is my completed 95,000 word thriller.

Now I just have to merge the two queries, the one for a Romance novel and the one for a thriller and I'll have one that matches the tone of the book. No Problem.

Thanks again to all the people who have critiqued this to help me sort out the right tone and feel for the book.

Query Time

For me nothing is worse than writing the query for a novel. Looking at my book and carefully picking out the most important parts. Distilling it down so that the main idea comes forth in a few simple sentences. Pulling back all the layers and letting only the simplest idea of the book show through.

Then send it out and have agents tell me: “This feels a little small for a novel.”

But I'm at it again, and here is my first draft of a query for MIND THIEF:

Howie has a problem, someone is stealing his mind and the only one who can help him is a girl who has already lost hers.

After meeting Vivian in the lobby of his psychologist's office, Howie starts experiencing the memories of a man of wealth and taste. First hand memories of some of the evilest acts committed over the past century. He starts investigating and finds historical facts line up with his memories, facts he couldn't know before.

To make things worse, it seems like all his friends are lying to him. He turns to the only one he can trust, Vivian a girl who is clearly a genius and just as clearly pants-crapping insane. With her help he concludes he is either more insane than she is, or the man who controlled the world for the last century has been messing with his life since before he was born.

The only way he can survive is if his love for Vivian is stronger than the evil that has ruled the Earth for the past century.

Mind Thief is my completed 95,000 word (Genre) novel.

Obviously I need a genre and I'm working on narrowing that part down. Other than that, I know query writing is my weakest skill. Any help would be appreciated.

Arrgh! The worst part of editing.

I don't know why, but the better the dialog the more the writer tries to hide it.

I nothing kills a great scene with snappy dialog more than extra words. Part of the problem is writing "he said/she said", is a lot more annoying than reading it. I personally like having the characters do little actions while talking, but it is very easy to go overboard and have the actions take away from the dialog.

I've noticed that rough drafts might go something like this.

“What do think?” He proudly showed off his outfit. The work of art that he spent hours on.

She looked it over with a critical eye and said, “Using a live Flamingo for a hat might be too much.” She pointed at Fred the Flamingo who was perched on his head.

The dialog is fine on its own.

“What do think?” he asked.

“Using a live Flamingo for a hat might be too much,” she said.

When the whole page or two of dialog is good those extra words really get in the way. The intent might be to have the reader laugh, laugh some more, stop because the laughing starts to hurt, keep reading because they are a glutton for punishment. Instead it turns into laugh, pause, laugh, pause. On to the next scene being mildly amused.

It is really painful to cut this extra stuff, but it helps the dialog. The only comfort is it is nearly as painful to cut it from other people's work as it is my own.

An other problem writers have, is posting parts of their rough drafts on their blogs to use as examples. Below is an example of both these problems, if you are someone who hates it when writers do this I'll see you at the bottom (it will be clearly marked).

SELF-INDULGENT ROUGH DRAFT POSTING:

When his phone went off it felt like a flaming sword was rammed through his brain. He looked at the display that was much too bright and didn't recognize the number. He thought about just turning the phone off but he worried it might be important.

“Hello?” he said.

“Hey how's my fuck-buddy?” Vivian's voice made Howie's head pound but made him smile at the same time.

“Not too great right now I've got a massive headache,” Howie said. “Are you calling from the laundry mat again?”

“No I'm at work,” Vivian said. “Some customer dropped their cell phone and I figured since he wasn't using it I'd give you a call.”

“That will teach him to hold on to it better.” Howie smiled even though it sent shooting pains through his head.

“I try to help people when I can,” Vivian said. “Hold on I've got another call.”

Howie smiled at the thought of Vivian taking other people's calls without thinking anything was wrong with that.

“Okay I'm back,” Vivian said. “It was just the guy who owns the phone's wife wondering why he was late. I told her he was in the shower.”

“You told her that?” Howie asked.

“I figured it would give them something to talk about when he got home.” Vivian laughed.

“I'm sure it will,” Howie said.

“Damn for some reason she's calling back, should I tell her it will take him longer to get home if I check on him by joining him in the shower?” Vivian asked.

“You might just want to ignore her,” Howie said.

“I suppose your right.” Vivian sighed. “I wish I was in your room so I could help you with your headache.”

“What would you do?” Howie asked.

“I'd have you rest your head against my boobies until it went away,” she said.

“That might be the only thing that would help with this headache.” Howie said, the idea of snuggling up to Vivian did make the headache a little more tolerable.

“I'd do that and I'd slowly stroke... damn she's calling back again,” Vivian said. “I should tell her off for interrupting us.”

“I don't think that would be a good idea,” Howie said.

“I've got a way to make her stop calling,” Vivian said. “Hold on.”

Howie wondered what Vivian could be doing.

“There that should keep her from calling,” Vivian said.

“What did you do?” Howie asked.

“I told her that her husband was busy in the shower with my husband 'Steve' and I couldn't check on them because I don't like watching them have anal sex.” Vivian laughed. “I told her I'd tell him she called when they moved on to blowing each other, but his mouth might be full then.”

“That should put her mind at ease.” Howie laughed and then got serious. “I'd love to keep chatting with you but my headache is getting worse.”

“That's okay I've got a line customers wanting to check out,” Vivian said. “But I'll be thinking about you tonight when I get naked in my bed.”

“I wish I could say the same,” Howie said. “But I'll probably just be suffering through this headache.”

“Okay. I can't wait to see you again,” Vivian said.

“I'm looking forward to seeing the greatest fuck buddy a guy could ever have, again,” Howie said.

“I thought you'd like to see me.” Vivian said in a tone that Howie couldn't tell if she was joking.

“I was talking about you.” Howie grinned, “Even with this massive headache the thought of seeing you makes me feel better.”

“I'm glad I could help. Sorry I've got to go.” She hung up the phone.

Here is the same Scene with all the extra words cut out:

When his phone went off, it felt like a flaming sword rammed through his brain. He looked at the display that was much too bright. He didn't recognize the number. He thought about just turning the phone off but worried it might be important.

“Hello?”

“Hey, how's my fuck-buddy?” Vivian's voice made him smile despite the pain.

“Not too great right now I've got a massive headache,” he said. “Are you calling from the laundromat again?”

“No I'm at work,” she said. “Some customer dropped their cell phone and I figured since he wasn't using it I'd give you a call.”

“That will teach him to hold on to it better.”

“I try to help people when I can,” she said. “Hold on I've got another call.”

Howie smiled at Vivian taking other people's calls without thinking anything was wrong with that.

“Okay I'm back,” she said. “It was just the guy who owns the phone's wife wondering why he was late. I told her he was in the shower.”

“You told her that?”

“I figured it would give them something to talk about when he got home,” she said.

“I'm sure it will,” he said.

“Damn for some reason she's calling back, should I tell her it will take him longer to get home if I check on him by joining him in the shower?” Vivian asked.

“You might want to ignore her.”

“I suppose your right.” She sighed. “I wish I was in your room so I could help you with your headache.”

“What would you do?”

“I'd have you rest your head against my boobies until it went away,” she said.

“That might be the only thing that would help with this headache.”

“I'd do that and I'd slowly stroke... damn she's calling back again,” she said. “I should tell her off for interrupting us.”

“I don't think that would be a good idea,” he said.

“I've got a way to make her stop calling, hold on.”

“Okay.”

“There. That should keep her from calling,” Vivian said.

“What did you do?”

“I told her that her husband was busy in the shower with my husband 'Steve' and I couldn't check on them because I don't like watching anal sex. I told her I'd tell him she called when they moved on to blowing each other, but his mouth might be full then.”

“That should put her mind at ease.” Howie laughed and then got serious. “I'd love to keep chatting, but my headache is getting worse.”

“That's okay I've got a line of customers wanting to check out,” she said. “But I'll be thinking about you tonight when I get naked in my bed.”

“I wish I could say the same. But I'll probably just be suffering through this headache.”

“Okay. I can't wait to see you again,” Vivian said.

“I'm looking forward to seeing the greatest fuck buddy a guy could ever have,” Howie said.

“I thought you'd like to see me?”

“I was talking about you.” He grinned. “Even with this massive headache the thought of seeing you makes me feel better.”

“Glad I could help. Sorry got to go.”

END OF SELF-INDULGENT ROUGH DRAFT POSTING.

Cutting all the little extra actions and thoughts from the scene makes it flow better and let's the dialog stand on its own. If the dialog is good enough to stand on its own then let it. If it isn't, should it really be in the book?

Getting rid of all that extra baggage is worth it, but it is really painful.

Artistic Respect

Some writers have talked about how an indie producer tends to get more respect for spending all their free time and money on making films than a writer. I'm not sure if that's true. But even if it is, it has a lot to do with the skills involved.

With a producer there are a lot of small technical skills that have to be honed. Even someone putting up a quick video for Youtube has to deal with camera and lighting angles, sound, focusing, ect. Lots of little skills that each take time to master.

Writing is more like acting. Anyone can do it.

Anyone can read off a cue card and look at a camera. It's learning the craft that's the hard part.

In 1974 Gary Sinise and two friends started the Steppenwolf Theater Company. They started it in the basement of a church that let them rent it for pennies. Often no one would show up. Sometimes they'd earn gas money from their plays.

But in those six years in the basement of the church they learned their craft. When you watch Sinise you can see how that paid off, he can play different characters with different motivations and still be Gary Sinise.

In a similar vein, a director once said of Tommy Lee Jones you can ask him to play the same role a dozen different ways and they will all be brilliant and all be Tommy Lee Jones.

That honing of the craft is what makes the difference between actors like Sinise and Jones and someone reading cue cards into a camera.

That gets me on to another thing I've heard writers saying, “But that's my style.”

Um, no. Here is how you can identify “your style”, try not to write in your style.

I recently wrote what I thought was a Sci-Fi thriller, that was actually a Paranormal Romance. I get those confused all the time. So I thought I'd try something different and write a very straight forward sci-fi tale.

The main character's love interest was supposed to be a minor sub-plot. The strange compelling voices he heard were only supposed foreshadow the enemy so the final showdown would be more intense. But the interplay between the character and his love interest became interesting, and the voices and obsession with them became a focus. Next thing I know I'm writing a classic sci-fi story with a Paranormal Romantic twist.

It's about as different as I can make it from my last book, but it is the same style. Just like when Gary Sinise or Tommy Lee Jones play a bad guy, they are convincing as that, but still have that unmistakable style.

That's the difference between the art of producing and writing or acting. In producing there are a lot of little technical skills that are like any other job that must be learned before you can add your style. With writing (and acting) its a matter of getting your style and voice down so that no matter how different you make your work it still has that quality where people will say, that's you.